I am a Malaysian, authentic ones
Who very very eager to move away from this country to go to the place that I had always dreaming of
To the place whereby I could start all over again... from ZERO
Like Jay Bell written in 'Something Like Autumn'
"Autumn diassembled what summer had supported, forcing flowers to give up their petals, plucking the leaves from the trees and blowing it all away with the same winds birds took flight on. Then came winter's white blanket, returning the world to an empty canvas so a new spring could begin."
I truly agree on this line, where I being put up many things by my family, friends or even strangers and of course myself.
Its neither things too bad for me that make me run away nor its too good for me that I am not feeling enough
Its just that the layers that been putting in front of me are sometimes make me feel fake for myself.
I am eager to find an life accompaniment, but somehow I was freaked out when the options are too widely open or too many choices for me.
I had no idea on what happen on the world outside. I am not good in expressing the feeling deep down inside myself. Even at the front of a person that I knew for years.
I sicked of myself, for being such a coward as like the post that I previously posted.
I hate myself so much that I had thought so many ways to get out of this way.
Feeling of lost and unhandled is just not me. I would rather running away than facing to fight with it.
I really am feeling boring. That it is enough to scare and chase everyone trying to get near to me away
The friendly that I had presented was somewhat too overwhelming for others to accept.
I had regretted what I had did to those who I done this to.
Freaking people out like I am eager to swallow them into my stomach in whole.
I really do want to start all things over again.
Not concerning that what it takes, if there is a chance, I will
I will run out of this place, get a new fresh start.
Hoping that I wouldnt mess up and successfully build up a newly and self-comfortable ME at somewhere out there
I am now at the stage of summer, where everything comes near to support me to grow
At some point, I have to save all this nutrition to another place
and put myself growing there.
Start from this, I should always bare this sentence in mind: "Eager doesn't help, but get worse!"
