So long, but still...

Its been more than a year from the dark days that I had been going through
The struggles, the lies, the role-play and so on
Just to keep myself out of the water but still not helping
But fortunately, I had came over (but it doesn't)

I like feeding myself some drugs that keeping myself happy (not real drugs, I'm not even touching alcohol)
Play crazy, acts funny, stay strong for someone
But things do not turned up like what I was expected
Those silly acts seems doesn't work for me anymore
The prince and princess dream was just broken on my face
Things are started to grow out of my way, out of my capability

It could be the reason that I am getting elder and elder from year to year
Things that going to face are getting even harder to expect
I would like to find someone to share with
Someone that could give a shoulder to while I am needed
Is there anyone?!

I am keep telling to the others that I am really fine with single
But behind the people, I'm still wishing there is someone for me

So long, but still waiting
For you to even turn back to have a look
Thought that I've been over you
So, that's you the reason to pull me back into those deep dark thoughts
And till now only I realize, that I couldn't get you out of my mind

But I trying my best to tell myself
That "Life still goes on, time doesn't wait"
Although as others say things will be fine eventually
But this eventually seems last eternally

Hope it ends at somehow in the future
So that I could sleep well at every night
Do not need any distraction to against these stupid thoughts
and make me stay alive while I'm alone
Cause these feels killing me.

p/s: These are just some spilling out in an insomnia night

Mind set straight line

its been a really happy day 've been
an early left on the seminar(what they called discussion)
makes me hav another empty time slot to take a rest throught the busy days recently

what the story teller would always say while things happen to be too good to the character would be
".... but..." , "..., however...",
really hate this... things turns really in a sudden to 180 degrees
a really huge fight around the house
little member just had enough with the blamming or yelling or whatever by the elder member
things should be alright in our chinese culture but it seems a bit different today
the little member just shout and ran out of the house....
with his mother and brother running behind of him
the brother seems to be knew what this little member thought of... walking like ntg happening instead of chasing around and started to looking around
yup, of course this little member found with her mother starring and cant do ntg but  worries to him
stand far away and watched and guard her little sweetheart frm far away...
his brother was trying his best to comfort him but failed
(another character introduce: the father)
this brother took his car key and hoping his little brother would like to go further frm the scene...
but the father was back frm work...
his brother thn left the comforting work to his father (for no reason...)
without knowing how is the story end
the brother left the scene...
going out alone to gasp some fresh air

ignorance of physically and mentally in what kind of scene would be bad enough that it could spoil everything in or out

how is the end?! not willing to know...
not cold blooded but stay clear and out of the scene... so anything happen would br the clearest...

written by: the brother!!

Another Conclusion

its the end of another year
a really tough life and hard times had been through within this year
how is it?? juz nice or juz bad??
im really having fun of course...
and the world outside had taught me much too...

i will proudly say im grow
i learnt much and realizing quite lots of thing eventually...
falling into someone that even myself could believe it...
though it still on going but i wouldn't doing something crazy to you or to me myself

and someone told me that there is a people is in love with me...
and my advice to her is... pls stay away from me... i dont think i will... not you are bad... is that it is too good for me

im not ready to any relationship
that way from my sight
and selfish-ly to mention...
i could hardly accept a person before im fall interested on that person...

a day before the end of the year
concluding this year is a really tough year...
my emotion was in bottom hill and slowly, gradually climbing towards the top and fallen again and climb back
and now i learnt to hold back my emotion... hold back my feel to anyone
of course hold back the silly stop-and-wait thought of that "one day" could come by so that my wish will come true

hoping that the next year could awake from this "beautiful nightmare"...
could finally find a person that could share our hugs...
W-I-S-H~~